3h 20minutes after falling asleep – (Supposed 2nd stage of sleep, 6th ascending interval) – 08/10/2011
audio-recording duration: 13.11 minutes
I don’t remember any more about what…
No sensation of block of my body.
I need to go to the toilet…
… I need to go to the toilet…
But.. there is no block of my body but…
…I am fairly immobile.
…I have difficulty to construct a sentence…
…and to use the short-term memory;
I immediately forget everything.
I don’t know what to say…
In this moment rumour has it …
… that …
oh my! I cannot articulate even a sentence, I immediately forget what I was saying (yawn);
I have too much difficulty in talking…
… because my thoughts change quickly;
more quickly than language.
My thoughts change quickly, and my mind…
more quickly than images…
(yawn) more quickly than images.
My thoughts change quickly…
…without a memory.
They just change and I do not even remember which they are…
(yawn)… these thoughts.
I am not able to describe what I am thinking about
… because everything is too fast.
It is difficult…
(yawn) My body is still
… but no feeling of stillness.
There is no continuity between my thoughts, my inner voice…and my language;
they are isolated things.
Some image is isolated too…
and all my thoughts disconnected with each other…
or very few connected,
and they mutate… mutate…
I am a passive spectator of my thoughts…
everything changes quickly in my thoughts.
… We were scared…
… we were… oh my! I am not able to talk about what I am thinking,
it is impossible
it is disconnected…
… from any ability of expression;
I cannot speak about that.
I am hardly repeating in my mind what I just said
and it is…
I cannot think about what I said and what I am about to say,
it is too difficult, there is no power to…
…a power to… predict, anticipate…
…in my mind, about what I am going to say, because my thoughts follow as a river, a stream
and talking about that …
… and talking means to interrupt this stream.
I need to go to the toilet
Comments of the day after: This stage should be the end of the 2nd stage of sleep, really close the beginning of the 3rd interval of REM sleep (…”we were scared” could be the begin of a dream…).
Yawns, repetitions, a different kind of pauses: even if pauses were longer I was more able to follow a thread in my reasoning, even after the longest pause. Still there is a lot of difficulty in talking about my thoughts.
I notice in listening and reading what I recorded that in my speech I was using some degree of control about my thoughts, a degree of “monitoring” and judging that I think it was inhibiting my inner flow of thoughts in emerging through my language: I immediately noticed disconnected thoughts, with no link with what I was saying and thus I immediately inhibited them. This mechanism I think was apart the degree of difficulties in talking about what I was thinking during a sleep state of mind, thereby increasing such difficulties and creating a greater split between what I was really thinking about and what I was saying – or wanted to say. Next time I hope to let my flow of disconnected thoughts emerge more in my speech…
I remember I tried to repeat through my inner speech what I was talking about through language, to create a bridge between language and inner speech and trying to connect the flow of thoughts… but with few results!