I feel a strange warmth on my skin surface as if my skin had thrown away all the slags and wastes during sleep and now it is clean. As if sleep had cleaned all my body and my brain.
I feel this warmth on my hands… as if my nerves had been de-memorized and now they are ready for new memorizations. I also feel my posture quite de-memorized. But not enough. I feel that I could sleep again, and clean my body and my mind even more. Even deeply.
But what does “clean my mind” means?
About the body is more understandable: I feel a sense of cleanliness inside and outside of my body, evenwhen the outside of my skin is more greasier than before falling asleep. And I can perceive the smell of the sleep on my skin – not so common by last years, a distant memory from my childhood when I woke up surrounded by this smell of the sleep.
But what about my mind? The cleanliness of my mind is not a sweeping away the memories, but a compression, a synthesis, an integration of them. And this could be possible not working on contents but on emotions related to them.
I feel the contents of my memories are not so changed: what is really changed is my emotions about them, compressed, synthesised, integrated up to make me believe that many levels of my emotions are disappeared, levelled off in my emotive general flow.
And thus the contents of my memory – while remaining the same as usual – they get a great benefit from this process. They get just a new look.
About the cleanliness of my mind by sleep I am also thinking of CO2 and O2…
Sleep has given new life to my whole body and all my mind, taking away the dross of CO2 and who knows of what other substances…
I am thinking about how my breath is irregular when I am awake, how irregular are the CO2 and O2 inhaled and exhaled, according to the succession of external stimuli and the emotive nature of internal ones.
Among a thought, an emotion, a mental effort my breath skips some stages, it becomes irregular, apnoea often arise for seconds and I get less O2, and sometimes I could exhaled less CO2. Or I could get more O2 than CO2 exhaled and vice versa.
As if these irregular breathing and respiratory pauses were important for my mind during awake, as if this could mark my brain metabolically, and thus my memory. But during sleep my mind is free to follow just its need… and this freedom mark my brain metabolically too in a positive way that I can exploit during awake.
The sleep I am loosing, I feel I cannot recover it anymore as the time passes or it is more difficult to recover it if I do not sleep longer. The sleep I am loosing is staying there, as an emotional weight both in my mind and in my body… not yet “slept”. And this weight lies in my Self – or my Self lies in this weight.
I feel all the weight of my lost sleep even in my posture. My lost sleep: my emotional baggage that is increasing more and more.